Radio

What am I sad about?

I am feeling like I want to sleep

I want to keep sleeping

There is resistance 

There is confusion and fog in my mind

There are arguments that have not been fully made against thoughts that have not been fully articulated

It is a jumbled confusing bout of chaos

I’m in a boxing ring getting hit by no one but myself

What am I upset about?

Am I ignoring my feelings? If I explored them, would I just be ruminating on negative emotions? Would I be assigning deeper meaning unnecessarily to natural ebb and flow of human emotions and mood? Will this result in expanded viewpoints and inner clarity, or mark the beginning of a downward spiral? Will that spiral be something I needed to go through for something brighter afterwards? 

So many thoughts

It’s hard to hear myself through all the clutter in my mind

Maybe I need to stop thinking so much about myself.

Would that just be running from myself in a way? 

How can I know what I need to focus on?

I am trying to pause and feel, be mindful and connect with myself. But I suppose I simply need to sit through the static.

I need to patiently hear the scratching and chopping and loud unpleasant sounds as I turn the dial, sifting through the radio channels until I find the clear, calm song that I need.

The channel is there. I need to show I have the patience to tune in and listen once it is found.

I will keep sifting through the noise.